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Aguero to sign for Cape Town City, Fekir to retire

We’re well aware that April Fools’ Day can be a minefield for football fans, who are forced to sift through the morning’s news in a constant state of paranoid anxiety, completely unable to trust anything they read, see or hear.

So to put your mind at ease these bits of BREAKING NEWS today from official club accounts definitely aren’t happening.

But they are funny.

Cape Town announce Aguero signing

Those who failed to check the date beforehand were no doubt utterly shocked to see that Cape Town City appeared to have pulled off the transfer coup of the century on Thursday morning.

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With Sergio Aguero to leave Man City at the end of the season, the South African club announced that they’d entered into a pre-contract agreement with the 32-year-old striker.

“Cape Town City is delighted to announce the signing of striker Sergio Aguero,” the cheeky tweet declared. “The forward signs a pre-contract with the Citizens and joins from English Premier League side Manchester City.”

Nabil Fekir to retire at Real Betis

Real Betis raised a few eyebrows when out of the blue they announced that star man Nabil Fekir would be retiring at the end of the season.

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“Nabil has communicated the club that he will retire at the end of the season to focus on his passion, breeding horses,” the Spanish side tweeted, before wishing the 27-year-old well in his future endeavours.

West Ham trio to sing a song

The Hammers announced that three of their number — namely Jesse Lingard, Declan Rice and coach Stuart Pearce — had joined forces to record a song to celebrate England’s qualification for Euro 2020.

Playing on Lingard’s recent “boyband” goal celebration, the trio were hoping that “Three Irons” (not Three Lions, get it?) would prove to be a smash on the terraces come this summer’s tournament.

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“I know Jesse is a big fan of putting bands together from his celebration after scoring against Spurs recently,” Pearce went to the trouble of telling the West Ham website. “He was really keen to get involved when I suggested it to him and he’ll be doing the singing and playing lead guitar.

“Dec got a bit of stick for how he played the drums so he’ll be playing the bass guitar and I’ll play the drums on Three Irons. Hopefully we can inspire the lads to glory, England can emulate the achievements of Bobby Moore, Geoff Hurst and Martin Peters and end 55 years of hurt!”

Kerala Blasters land new kit, complete with boat…

Indian Super League club Kerala Blasters opted for the “strange new kit” approach to April Fools’ merriment, revealing their new 2021 strip on social media.

Opinion was divided as the Blasters unveiled their latest home shirt, which comes complete with a tourist-friendly design.

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The jersey is mint green with a tranquil riverside scene on the front and a large Kettuvallam house boat floating on by.

Indeed, the Blasters’ stunt backfired ever so slightly as fans immediately began tweeting the club to ask when their fantastic new shirt would actually be going on sale.

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