Friday’s Big Stories
Any Dream Will Do
Sean Dyche and Marcelo Bielsa. Marcelo Bielsa and Sean Dyche. They have plenty in common, when you think about. Both are football coaches, that’s a good start. Both have a bristling intensity about them, a presence, an authoritative vibe. Both would be an exhausting pint, we’re guessing, although in wildly different directions.
Transfers
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Oh, and both are in the running – at the front of the running, apparently – to fill the Frank Lampard-shaped hole at Everton.
But despite all this common ground, there is an awkward difference when it comes to the actual football they teach. Bielsa has his players play his game and only his game: pace, pressing, a clattering spiral of energy and intensity that looks amazing when it works and makes an unbelievable mess when it doesn’t. And Dyche had charge of Burnley, and you know what Burnley were like. They were Burnley. Hard, cold, difficult.
You’d be hard pressed to find two footballing philosophers more distinct in their philosophies. It’s that painting of Plato pointing up and Aristotle pointing down, except instead of debating the constitution of the universe they’re arguing the benefits of a 3-3-1-3 against a 4-4-effing-2, quick recoveries against a low block, perching on a bucket against shirt sleeves in the snow…
Which means Everton are in a mess, right? Who on earth considers two such radically different candidates for the same job? A board that’s panicking, that’s who. Casting about for whoever’s available, picking out names that they’ve heard of. He did a good job here, he did a good job over there. Get them both along.
Alex Iwobi of Everton reacts during the Premier League match between West Ham United and Everton FC at London Stadium on January 21, 2023 in London, England
Image credit: Getty Images
But given the mess in which Everton are mired, there’s a certain amount of sense hiding in the non-sense. When Brighton went looking for a coach to replace Graham Potter, they had a list of candidates that they trusted to keep things moving in the same direction. They were looking for continuity, and that’s something you can plan for.
Everton are not looking for continuity. Rather, Everton are looking for an identity, and in their contrasting ways, Bielsa’s Leeds and Dyche’s Burnley were two of the more ideologically rigorous teams to have graced the Premier League in recent years. Burnleyball or murderball: what matters most is somebody comes into that dressing room and says “This is who we are now. This is what we do.”
Well, they also have to be the right person. And it has to work, if not immediately in the Premier League then definitely next season, in the Championship, on the other side of the unthinkable. But that’s what the interview process is for: here’s the squad, think it can do what you’ll ask of it?
Sensible appointments are for sensible football clubs; continuity only makes sense when there’s something worth continuing. When all you have is formless chaos, the detritus of failed plan heaped upon failed plan, then you need somebody to explain the workings of the universe from the ground up. You need a philosopher. Any philosopher. And then you can go from there.
Have That
Revenge, as the saying goes, is a dish best served in the last minute of extra time. Not cold, but as hot and stinging as can be. So here’s Vinicius Jr strolling through Atletico Madrid’s ragged defence and slamming the ball past Jan Oblak.
Of course, in an ideal world this goal wouldn’t have arrived on the same day an effigy of Vinicius was hung from a bridge in Madrid. It wouldn’t have come after racist chanting directed at Vinicius by some Atletico fans last September. Or Valladolid fans in December, come to think of it – after which incident Vinicius called out La Liga for continually “doing nothing”.
Anyway, this is the world that Vinicius lives in and works in, a world of snivelling hatred buttressed by official inactivity. And at least one or two racists felt a little bit smaller after this happened, just for a second, deep inside. It’s not justice, and it’s certainly not enough. But it’s definitely worth the celebration.
Hands Across The Divide
Guardiola was also asked about the scrutiny being placed on Arteta and his Sideline Antics. And in response he hit on something that is causing the whole country problems. “When you are top of the league they have to undermine you for another reason. And they are doing that right now. I know this situation quite well.”
That, right there, is the thing that is driving the Arteta Touchline Discourse: there’s almost nothing else that the press feels able to criticise Arsenal for. The daft cards have gone. The defence bends but rarely breaks. They attack in style, they manage games effectively, and even the occasional big mistake doesn’t knock them off-stride. Gabriel Jesus got injured so Eddie Nketiah came in… and he scores more!
Pep Guardiola (L) and Mikel Arteta
Image credit: Getty Images
Yet there must always be something to say. That is the iron law of content: we must always be filling the unfillable internet. And so we get this entertainingly daft discussion about Arteta on the sidelines, while his team look like champions on the pitch. (And the Warm-Up gets to talk about the entertaingly daft discussion like we’re somehow above it all, when we’re not. We’re just being differently annoying.)
Anyway, the two teams meet in the FA Cup tonight. There will probably be a little bit of rotation, but that isn’t going to stop everybody treating this as a referendum on the title race in general, and also that big league game coming up on February 15. And if Arteta does find himself halfway down the touchline waving his fingers about, then we’ll talk about that too. Discourse abhors a vacuum.
IN OTHER NEWS
Has he taken the job as a protective measure, so he doesn’t accidentally end up in charge of Everton? Perhaps. But Duncan Ferguson is now in charge of Forest Green Rovers, whose pretty extraordinary rise up the divisions has been carefully hidden behind a lot of chortling about vegan burgers. So here he is, eating a vegan burger.
(If you’re reading, Duncan, the Warm-Up can recommend the Woolpack in Slad.)
RETRO CORNER
A very happy birthday to Ahn Jung-Hwan, scorer of that goal against Italy. To celebrate we went back and watched all of South Korea’s goals at the tournament, and were reminded that his goal against Italy – that cute little side-of-the-head nudge – was almost exactly the same as the one he scored in the group stage. They were warned! Italy were warned! It was his signature move!
This being his birthday, it’s also the anniversary of the time he failed to turn up for a trial at Blackburn. We’ve always assumed that he woke up that morning and gave himself the day off, as a gift. And we can respect that.
HAT TIP
“His admiration for the striker goes back some way — in 2015, while still an Arsenal player, Arteta embarked on coaching courses with the Football Association of Wales. As part of attaining his FAW UEFA Pro Licence, he spent time coaching in the north London club’s Hale End academy. It was there he first encountered Nketiah — then a slight teenage forward, who impressed with his sharp goalscoring and preternatural confidence. Arteta has believed in him ever since.”
There’s lots of interesting details in there, but the bit that really caught our eye was the statistical interlude. Some very clever people called the Twenty First Group made some very clever projections and worked out two things. One, “spending big in [the January] window has a marginal impact on performance in the remainder of a club’s season — a €20million net spend has delivered on average just a 0.03 increase in points per game across the big five leagues since 2015.”
0.03! All that noise, and 0.03! And for the kicker, “In the case of Nketiah, Twenty First Group projected Arsenal would only expect to win one fewer point with him than with Jesus — and if he sustains his current form, would drop to just 0.6 points over half a season. This is partly based on the fact Nketiah’s underlying metrics for xG (expected goals) and shots in the box compare very favourably with Jesus’ numbers.”
Faith from his manager and faith from the numbers. How could he fail?
Bukayo Saka celebrates scoring the 2nd Arsenal goal with (L) Willam Saliba and (2ndR) Eddie Nketiah
Image credit: Getty Images
COMING UP
Fate thoroughly tempted, tonight Nketiah and Arsenal take on Manchester City in the FA Cup. Or if the sight of Arteta leaving his technical area makes you seethe and boil, there’s always RB Leipzig vs. VfB Stuttgart in the Bundesliga.
Have a lovely weekend. Michael Hincks will be here on Monday.
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